As I was walking out the door of the chapel Brother Farr approached me and said, “A thought came to me out of the blue as I was sitting in church today - it wasn’t anything I was thinking about or what was on my mind... but the thought was that God wanted me to give you a hug - from Him. So he gave me a hug and said, this isn’t from me, it’s from God.” I was so surprised and overcome and tears immediately welled up in my eyes. When I got home I went to my room and fell to my knees and thanked the Lord for that message, knowing He had heard my prayers of asking if He is aware of me - little old me amongst the millions of His children on this earth. I’ve asked it often over the past several weeks and months. Knowing in my head that He did love me and was aware of me (because He's God and has to) but I couldn’t reconcile it in my heart. I’ve been particularly hard on myself lately for ‘’wasting time’’ - not being productive, being lazy and unmotivated. So I felt - through Brian’s message and hug, that God was patient and loved me anyway, in spite of my imperfections. I also prayed to not let doubt creep in - and to feel that it really was a message from God. And was reminded of Brian’s words - “this thought came to me out of the blue” and also knowing what a spiritual giant he is and I trust his inspiration and being in tune with the spirit.
Then, moments later a neighbor and friend came by to give me a book and her thoughts about the presentation I am to give to the RS sisters at our RS retreat next month. She talked about priorities and balance and feeling overwhelmed and and thoughts I could share with the sisters about all of those things - little did she know - (or maybe she did) that she was speaking directly to the concerns and feelings I’d personally had. We also talked about my concerns and decisions to make about my back yard and she - being the ‘’gardner of the ward’’ gave me some ideas and suggestions and who to call.
Shortly after she left Brother Farr called me and said he had a quote he’d like to bring down to me. After our hour long conversation I have to say he was the Lord’s spokesperson in my behalf this day and a witness that God is indeed aware of me and so is Doug. This is the thought he shared:
“I believe that our departed kindred and loved ones are far more mindful of us and solicitous for our salvation day by day, than they ever were in the flesh... because they know more. Joseph F Smith”We talked. He asked to see the back yard and offered his help in my tree and yard issues. (I really think this all is from Doug! I've been lamenting to him all week - ever since the dream. I think he was tired of me bugging him.) Every story Brian shared about his own personal life and his experiences as a bishop, related perfectly to my situation and feelings of the past few weeks.
What to do with the back yard - there are many decisions to make about the tree stumps and tree selections and just cleaning and clearing before winter sets in
is there anyone who can help me? and do I even want to do it?!
I”m lazy and unmotivated. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be more productive?
Can I just feel Doug’s presence and advice on all these decisions and things I need to do?
Of all the millions of thy children, do You really know me? My problems aren’t nearly as big and critical as so many others’. How can I really ask for personal help?
I need help and guidance on the presentation I’m to give next month
I should be doing more genealogy
I should be a better missionary and not be fearful of sharing my testimony
I need to be reading my scriptures more regularly
I need to not waste so much time - on my computer particularly
I need to go to the temple more often
I need to serve more
I need to be a better mother and more supportive of my kids and grandkids
Well, just about every one of these lamentations were addressed in my conversations with Brian and Susan today.
AND - another neighbor just now called me and asked if I "knew anyone who would want some potato cheese soup" she had made and her kids wouldn't eat leftovers." Of course I volunteered myself to take her soup ...
I can't deny the hand of the Lord in my life today. 